Normally, I try and keep things around here light, fun, and (I hope) entertaining or informative, but I have to tell you blog friends, it has not been a couple of weeks filled with light and fun at our house. On top of that, I’ve been doing a lot (and I mean a lot) of soul searching. What do I want to do with my life? How do I want to feel? What do I want out of life? And blog soul searching (blog searching?). What do I want this blog to be? Who am I as a blogger? Why do I want to write?
Don’t worry, this isn’t going to turn into me whining. It’s safe to keep reading, I promise. 😉
Almost two years ago, I lost my teaching job. At the time, I was half angry and half relieved to be away from what I considered a toxic environment, but it left me wondering if I had chosen the right career path. I began navigating the life of a stay at home wife. Yep. Wife. Not mother. I can’t tell you how many people look at me like I have three heads when I say I’m a stay at home wife…as in no kids. I am almost certain that they picture me sitting around eating bon bons while my maid does the cleaning and cooking and laundry. I can assure you, that is very far from the truth. I am incredibly blessed that my husband is successful and I have the luxury of staying at home, but being a housewife is work. It’s a full time job.
To help pay the bills and retain some sort of touch with the outside world, I began tutoring. And let’s be honest, I needed to get out of my yoga pants once in awhile. Since then it has grown and become my part time job. It brings in the cash. Not a lot, but enough that I feel helpful, useful, like I’m contributing. It is my obligation.
I began blogging to try and regain a sense of identity. For so many years I was “teacher” and then suddenly…I wasn’t. It was heartbreaking, and I intended to go back to teaching, but after that last year, I needed a break. I had been beaten down a lot – by teachers, parents, staff, and administrators. (Please don’t take this as a rant on schools – it’s not. It’s not even commentary on public schools. I was teaching at a private school at the time. I have taught in both public and private schools and both have their pros and cons. I loved teaching and had I not been let go because of low enrollment (they no longer had a place for me) I’d probably still be struggling along.)
I needed…something. Thus, The Scrappy Housewife began (only she wasn’t Scrappy back then, she was Accidental, until I realized there was already an Accidental Housewife. Oops?). In the last few months, I’ve grown weary of even tutoring. I want the blog to be my career, my passion, what drives me.
Lately, behind the scenes, I’ve worked to increase my following, I’ve begun talking to possible sponsors, I’ve networked, joined Twitter, created a Facebook page, left comments, bought blogging books, participated in growing your blog chats and blog series. It is slowly becoming my job. And I love that. I love it so much that it’s becoming increasingly hard to wait for someday. I want it all now. I see blogs that started after I did hitting it big (like 30,000 followers big) and I wonder how they managed it and I haven’t? What’s the special formula for being a hit? I’m not going to lie to you here, I started following blogs like Thrifty Decor Chick in the beginning and was sure I could do what she did, and easily. And then fell promptly on my butt. It was a hard fall. I’m still bruised. 😉
Maybe I’m trying too hard, but then, how hard is too hard when you want something so badly? So, I sit and work and wait and work and wait. And trust me girls, blogging is work – despite the conversations I’ve had with relatives who seem to think it’s as simple as writing some words on a screen and sitting back raking in the cash. It’s a job. A great job, but still a job.
Anyway, I’m still here working to make this little venture grow, but I believe in the power of making things happen so I’m just saying it here. I want to quit tutoring. As soon as humanly possible. I will be a full time blogger. It will happen.
I just wanted to thank you for continuing to follow this little blog that’s so near to my heart. It means a lot to me. More than you could ever know. You’ve kept me sane during this crazy adventure I call my life. I hope you’ll indulge me a little as I grow as a blogger. I hope you won’t mind if I add in some splashes of my real life along with all the crafting, housewifing, organizing and tutorials. You won’t mind, will you?