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Christina Leaman

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How I’m Approaching Goal Setting this Year

“Just because you can set multiple goals, doesn’t mean you should.” – Kalyn Brooke In years past, I would spend the last 4 months of the year planning to choose a word and/or setting lofty goals for the new year.  I love the idea (and bought!) of a brand new planner with crisp pages, colored pens, and highlighters, stickers, supplies…ok you get the idea. I wanted to get all of my plans down on paper and hustle to achieve them. January 1st was going to be the day I finally got it all together. A new start. Can you guess how that went?  After the first missed day of my newly purchased cleaning schedule or the first time I skipped a new routine because I was just too out of spoons, I gave up. I crumbled under the weight of my own expectations. It took me a while to figure out…

New Year, New You? Let’s Be Ourselves

You don’t have to be a better you.  I’m starting the year with that thought on my mind. Within seconds of the ball drop on New Year’s Eve, my social media feed was filled with “New Year, New You” sentiments, weight loss plan sales, resolutions, outrageous goal-setting programs, new planners, and more. If I’m candid, I think I’ve tried them all – or at least more than a few – of each. And failed at 99% of what I’ve tried.  In the last three years, my life has changed drastically. If I believe what social media tells me I should boss up, set a ton of goals, and hustle my way to a better (richer, prettier, fitter) me.  This year, I don’t plan to try. Because of my mental and physical limitations, it just isn’t realistic. What served me well in my 20s, just doesn’t anymore. (And probably didn’t then.)…

Why I Believe the Duchess of Sussex – And You Should Too

I believe Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex. Because it happened to me too. Unlike 17.1 million viewers, I did not watch the interview with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Had I known then what I know now, I might have watched it. In the days since the interview where we learned that she felt suicidal, asked for help, and was denied medical treatment for her mental health, I’ve read countless news articles and comment threads. Many have called her a great actress, Oscar-worthy even. They’ve called her a liar. They’ve said it was all manipulation on her part. Her attempt to smear the royals and steal Prince Harry away. Here are just a few: “I don’t believe for a second she was told that, especially as they were all bringing attention to mental health at the time.” “I see her as an attention-seeking twit. She got what she wanted she…

Broken

This is me. Is it narcissistic to take a picture of myself sitting atop my new mattress in my first and now my only home? Probably. Moments before I was sitting in the exact same position, contemplating the last 24 hours; the last 20 months. At that moment I wanted to have a picture of this. I wanted to remember, no matter how painful my life is right now. And make no mistake, it’s painful in ways I didn’t think was possible to survive. I’m stuck. Stuck between what was and what will be. Stuck between three houses in two states and three cities. Stuck between loved and unloved. Stuck between “It’s all my fault.” and “What the hell just happened?”. I wanted to be reminded of what right now looks like. I want to remember that I am broken. I want to remember the mental and physical exhaustion; the…

On Hit Pieces, Negative Press and Hateful Comments Sections

Let’s talk about negative press, “hit” pieces, and hateful comment sections. I made the comment recently that you should never read the comments section (of pretty much anything these days) – and I firmly believe that. That said, yes, I sometimes get caught up in it too. It happens. And as an enneagram 4w3, I have OPINIONS. But look, we’re never going to change people’s minds by snapping back at them. You will never bring people to your side of an issue by being snarky, or engaging them in an already emotionally charged arena. It just won’t happen. SPAM them Instead Instead, as a squad, let’s do this – Stop. Pray. Acknowledge. Move on. Yes, I realize that says SPAM 😉 Stop – Before you jump to response, stop, and take a deep breath. Pray – Pray for them instead. Pray that their eyes will be opened to new ways of…

No, I’m Not OK

All smiles, I know what it takes to fool this town I’ll do it ’til the sun goes down and all through the night time Oh yeah, oh yeah, I’ll tell you what you wanna hear Leave my sunglasses on while I shed a tear It’s never the right time, yeah, yeah Sia, Unstoppable No. I’m Not OK. I recently had an exchange with a loved one that went something like this: Them: “You seem to be doing great! Do you even need therapy?” Me: “I’m not doing OK. I’m just incredibly good at hiding it. And yes, I do need therapy because this is not a curable illness.” I hear it a lot though.  “You seem like you’re doing well.” “You’re so strong.” “I don’t know how you do it. You seem so strong. I’d be a mess.” Well, quite honestly, I am a mess. As I write this…

Spring

I grew up in the South (yes, capital S) – Florida to be specific, and there, Spring is it’s own unique thing. Mostly it’s just a time for new tropical flowers to bloom, the weather gets warmer and it’s when we swap out our light jackets and hoodies for flip flops – if we’ve stopped wearing them at all. As an adult, I moved north. Seasons were a new experience for me. Growing up in Florida, we didn’t really have them. The first northern Spring I experienced felt strange. I didn’t realize just how quiet Winter could be until the Spring came and suddenly, and weirdly, I began hearing the sounds of nature again. Birds chirping, squirrels rustling through the brush, the sound of bees floating around the back patio. I hadn’t realized they were gone, but suddenly, there they were again. Depression is a lot like that for me.…

Surviving Seasonal Affective Disorder

Seasonal affective disorder can be a pain, but it doesn’t have to be! With a few simple tips, you’ll sail through the dark days of winter (or at least feel better about it).  One of my diagnoses is Seasonal Affective Disorder. You’ve probably heard of it at least once or twice, but basically it means that since I don’t get enough sun during the winter months, my brain chemistry goes all screwy and I’m more likely to be depressed. Most people like me just call it SAD (Worst. acronym. ever. As if I need the reminder that I feel like crap during the lack of daylight savings time.) Luckily, through the years, and especially the last two years, I’ve picked up a few tricks for my toolbox that make things a bit easier for me. Start a countdown – Remember those paper chains you used to make as a kid?…

My Month of No

You might’ve heard of Shonda Rhimes and her book Year of Yes. I’ve decided January 2017 is going to be my month of NO. No disrespect meant to Ms. Rhimes, but I have to stop saying yes.  I say yes far too much. I love saying yes. I say yes even when I know it’s better to say no. I say yes because I don’t want to let people down. I say yes because I want to help. I say yes because I want to feel like a good wife, friend, or family member. I say yes so much, I “yes” myself to the bottom of my to do list.  It’s unhealthy. So January, I’m not going to say yes. To anything. “Can you help me with…?” Nope. “Could I just come over and…?” No. “Would you like to…?” No thank you. Selfish? Yep. Don’t get me wrong. I love helping. I…

What I’m Reading – May 2016 Edition

I mentioned before that last year, after reading The Fringe Hours, I made it a goal of mine to read more. I used to love reading and devoured books, but as I’ve gotten older I haven’t always made that a priority so I thought I’d try and make it a goal. I didn’t tell anyone about it, but I set the goal in January of 2015 to read 12 books that year. Younger me would be appalled at that small number, but post-depression me saw it as a worthy goal. And I’m happy to report that I did it! I literally finished book 12 on December 31st. But I did it! That’s all that mattered to me. So this year, I set the goal to read one book a month. For those good with math, yes, that’s still 12 books in a year. Doesn’t mean I can’t read more (or less)…